Fireworks
by McDancer
Summary: Addison reflects on her relationship with Mark and the mistakes they made.


Disclaimer: I do not own anything. I do not own Grey`s Anatomy. Hope you guys enjoy.

The cool breeze felt refreshing across her cheeks, and provided relief from the flush that crept across her face every time she thought of the incident. She didn`t usually think of it, but once in a while the thoughts and feelings crept up in her mind, and they lingered long after. With those feelings came the thoughts of her life, and her many relationships. She had been the wife, the girlfriend, the quick lay, and the one no one could commit to. It really could get anybody depressed, especially since she was left with no one now.

The leaves rustled and a squirrel darted across the sidewalk. She really liked living here. New York had always been the place she thought of as her home, and LA had suited her; but Seattle was different. Although it brought up memories, she was still okay with it. The memories wouldn`t fade, but that didn`t matter. The acceptance of her mistakes had come with her gained wisdom of her age. She still thought of him. The many times they had tried. The baby that could have been theirs. The happiness they could have had. But some things are just not meant to be. That hadn`t meant she had stopped trying.

Loneliness was a difficult concept for her to grasp. Always being surrounded by people in her youth, catering to her every need; it was hard for her to adjust to being alone. She had visited him two years ago, and had been surprised he also hadn`t moved on.

Flashback

_She knocked on the door. She hadn`t visited Seattle in a year. Of course she still called Callie, who kept her informed of the latest gossip in the hospital. She knew that Meredith and Derek were expecting a child, that Izzie had returned to Alex, and that April Kepner was engaged to Jackson. She had asked about Mark, trying to do it vaguely, but Callie had seen right through her, and had told her what she wanted to know. She knew he hadn`t dated since she left, and that he had never returned to his perverted, sex-oriented self, who made dirty jokes about everything. The fun for him was gone. Just like it was for Addison._

_The door opened, and an older version of Mark appeared. He had gotten more grey hairs, and she could spot a tiny wrinkle forming in the corner of his eye. She would have smile and made fun that he was approaching forty, but the moment was much too serious. _

"_What are you doing Red?" He asked with such sadness in his voice, it pained her. She didn`t know what she was doing, just that she wanted him._

"_Mark, my mom just died." She said as easily as she could. No tears, no frowns, just sadness. And with that he opened the door completely and softly pulled her in._

_He hadn`t said anything, just stared at her, and then embraced her. She had always felt safe in his arms, and now, she fully appreciated it. Suddenly she felt the tears coming. She blinked furiously. Crying in front of Mark would not be good. Of course her tears had a mind of their own and had already spilled through. _

_He noticed she was crying. But instead of calling her out on it, he held her tighter. She suddenly neede him. She needed to feel something other than the pain. She kissed him furiously, needing to numb the feeling._

"_Your mom just died. You don`t want to do this." He said, looking into her eyes. _

"_Mark, I know that this seems like I`m using you, but I`m not. Please." She whimpered, her eyes filled with tears._

_Suddenly he understood. She needed to know if he cared enough about her, to make love to her. So he did._

_She pulled at his shirt and he complied, taking it off, he started kissing her and pulling off the rest of their clothes. They didn`t rush, knowing that they didn`t need to. He gently lowered her onto the bed, and followed. He kissed her jaw, and moved down, to her neck and collarbone. He unsnapped her bra, slid it off, and kissed her breasts. He made sure no part of her skin was left untouched. He made his way down to her belly button, where he knew she was ticklish. She smiled, knowing he knew her well. He took off her panties, and then she pulled off his. He entered her slowly, not wanting to make anything uncomfortable. He needed her to feel loved. He started moving and she soon felt herself about to come. She moaned his name and he moaned hers. He knew her climax was coming and looked into her eyes. The emotions when she was climaxing always made him feel more intimate with her. She moaned his name one last time and they both came. He landed back on the bed, both exhausted._

_After that he held her, for the rest of the night, whispering how much he loved her._

_In the morning, she had a head full of thoughts. She wondered what he would make of this. Would he want to give them another shot, or would he walk away? She needed to have another chance. So later she asked him, and he had been happy to comply._

_A few months later he walked into an on call room, and caught her with someone else. She didn`t know why she had done it, she just had. He hadn`t talked to her after that._

End Flashback

He loneliness was her fault, not Mark`s. She wanted it to end, but it wasn`t that easy. He would never understand why she had cheated. She didn`t understand. Suddenly she needed him. She needed a relationship with him. She missed his jokes, his laughter, the way his voice made her feel. She needed him.

To be continued


End file.
